The Winning Lotto Ticket…

I met one of my best friends through her mother who was a hairdresser.  We all lived in the same area, I hung out with her family a lot.  Jessie the hairdresser introduced me to her daughter and bingo bango a longtime friendship and sisterhood was born.

Jessie was a bit older than me and her daughter a bit younger so I was smack dab in the middle of them both so it was easy to be friends with the two of them collectively.  I had just gotten my hair done for the holidays and Jessie and I were chatting about shit.  She desperately wanted new windows I desperately wanted a new man, ya know shit like that.  Jessie’s birthday was in January so what do you get for the person who doesn’t need anything besides windows?  Lotto tickets! That’s always a great fucking gift if you ever want to buy me something (wink, wink) problem is I buy them, put them in a pocket and forget about them….I’m probably a damn millionaire to be honest but don’t come for me I got a chip on my shoulder right now and I ain’t trying to be kidnapped for the possibility that I may be a millionaire.  Anyhooooooo….let’s get back to Jessie!  

I drop by Jessie’s place on her birthday and it’s fucking cold as balls outside, it had snowed the night before and it was simply brutal.  We all gather around to open gifts and say nice shit about awful gifts while leaning back and rolling our eyes at each other…but not my gift, hell no my fucking gift was about to be legendary.  Jessie opens the card with the endless amount of scratch tickets…she looks pleasantly disappointed at yet another lame ass gift.  Oh well, “Jessie, scratch some of those tickets and see if you won” I said, she ignores me.  I say to my BFF “tell Jessie to scratch some of the tickets to see if she won”  she was like “ok but what’s the big deal she can scratch them later”  I figured at this time I should tell her….tell her there is a winning ticket in the envelope on blah blah scratch ticket.  She was syked “Oh ok let’s get her to scratch it then” plan in action!

“Pass me a penny” she said, ya know to scratch the tickets.  She gets to it and she needs 3 matching dollar values.  She scratches $1,000, then $10,000 then $1 and in the next row she scratches $10,000, then $1,000.  She stops and says “this better be $10,000 or I’m going to be so upset”….everyone laughs it off because it’s just something you say hoping by the pit of your gut it may come the fuck true.  The last box needs to be scratched and low and behold $10,000 is in the box….Weeeeeeeeelllllllll Jessie fucking lost it.  She started jumping up and down, she was running around the house freaking out…everyone was freaking out, then she made a beeline for the front door, like out of the blue.  She opens the door and runs down the steps in her slippers and starts running down the street.  I am on the floor dying laughing,  asking where the fuck is she going?  Her daughter yells out to her “mom, where are you going” she replies “to cash my ticket in at the store, I need those windows”.  Well fuck, at this point I can’t even breathe and my BFF turns to me and says “what the fuck are you laughing at?” I’m trying to catch my breath and finally I can get some words out “the ticket, the ticket…it ain’t real” my BFF screams “WHAAAAAAT” I was like “yeah man it’s a gag ticket it’s not real” she said “dude, mom is going to fucking kill you man she really wants those new windows” she runs to the door and screams “mooooom, moooooom come back” Jessie stopped and looked back and yelled “I’ll be back after I cash the ticket” and my BFF yells back “Mooooom, come back now the ticket ain’t real”

It took 2 FULL years before Jessie would speak to me again…I thought it was a bit extreme to be completely fucking honest, I mean who doesn’t like a good fucking joke right?…the ticket was never mentioned again, ever….until now…here’s hoping that she’s not a fan of my blog ~ Holla