Stolen Identity…

I don’t know how many times I’ve had to start over in my lifetime. When I think about it, like really sit down and think about it I guess we “start over” every single day. We reset when we close our eyes at night and if we are blessed enough to see the next day we are given an opportunity to start over.

The kind of starting over I am referring to is loss, the loss of your identity, your years of dedication, your blood, sweat and tears…those sleepless nights worrying if you missed something… I’ve had many start over moments in my life but on November 21, 2018 it was the first time in 14 years I had to start over in my career.

As I willingly entered the office for a meeting, much to my surprise the meeting was to inform me that I had worked my way out of my job and they were letting me go. I wasn’t completely shocked at them letting me go as we had been acquired by a big company in 2015 and I was the project manager for the finance integration into their systems. I was efficient and met every deadline for every project I had managed, essentially putting myself on the chopping block to be let go. The day had come and I didn’t know it was happening on that particular day. As I walked into the room there was a strange man sitting there, it was at that very moment I looked at the Senior Director and said “no way, it’s today? really? Shit!” he dropped his head and said he was sorry to have to tell me that today would be my last day working for Rogers. My heart had dropped, I felt bad for him for having to be the one to tell me to be honest, he wasn’t a bad guy to work with and we had a good relationship. Company policy dictated that he had to leave the room after he said his “line” and let me deal with the HR rep. That was short and sweet, I left the office trying to hold it all together. I never got to say good bye to anyone, company policy again…I just left and that was that.

As I started my walk to my vehicle I was replaying my 14 years with the company, really 3 with Rogers and 11 with the company they acquired…but 14 years nevertheless. My eyes started to swell up, everything that I had put into my career, the company I lost sleep over at times, the work family I had been a part of, the ups the downs…all of it was now gone. I was SCARED.

Oddly enough I ran into an old school buddy of mine on my walk to my vehicle, we made eye contact, he could see I was upset he asked if I was ok. I tried to hold it together but at that moment I just couldn’t and the tears ran down my face. He offered to go to coffee with me and I accepted. I really needed to have someone tell me it will be ok, you’ll get through this…I also needed someone to help me understand why I was so damn emotional and he did. As my friend Bobby and I chatted and expressed how I was feeling he looked at me and said “Sherry, you’ve just lost part of your identity and this is why it’s so hard for you” At that moment in time I realized I was indeed suffering from an identity crisis just minutes after losing my job…Holy shit I really let a job, a career, a 9-5 crush me…and truth is, it crushed me a lot.

This was a shitty time to let someone go, I mean seriously right before the Christmas Holidays is pretty much a shitty time. I kept it a secret for almost 3 months, only telling a few people. The first week was full of deep depression, honestly I didn’t know how to handle it. The place I had started my fresh out of school career at no longer needed me and that hurt and it hurt bad. I stayed in bed for a week straight trying to wrap my head around this devastation and then that got a bit boring because Netflix didn’t have any new releases and I had ran out of wine!

My “work” family shocked me and I mean shocked me big time…I had worked with teams remotely from Ontario and out West and lots of them reached out to me when I was let go…it warmed my heart to know that in such a short time I had made connections with people that I had never met in person. They were encouraging and thanked me for the work I did with them on projects. I was shocked and humbled by their kindness. My local “work” family shocked me the most though…seeing that not everyone I worked with in the past years reached out to me. This made me realize the relationships I thought I had with them didn’t go beyond work and that stung a lot. Now to be transparent there were only about 20 of us…so 5 seems like a high number but naw man, all of us were a work family for years…sharing family stories and life moments and breaking bread together…so yeah, it made me realize at that moment, when my heart was shattered into pieces, all of those years of working together… I wasn’t important enough in their daily lives to even send an email, a text or even a note in a bottle for fuck sakes…That shit cut fucking deep. Now not all of them moved on with life without me, I have great relationships with 5 of my previous local co-workers to this day…wow, 5 is all that reached out to me locally and still keep in touch. I realized it’s not about quantity it’s about quality.

I faked my way through the Christmas Holidays, throwing my annual Christmas Party. I went to many events throughout the holidays always smiling hoping nobody noticed that I was a bit “off”. The embarrassment I felt about not having a job was truly painful. The pain didn’t come from a financial perspective, they treated me well when they let me go but the pain was from my identity loss and man oh man I was struggling with this.

Once the holidays ended depression came full circle again…and this time it hit hard again. As I fast forward through the mental breakdown I was having about things for the sake of time I had some really awesome people cheering me on telling shit was going to be OK. Truth is, I didn’t believe it would be and this is shocking as fuck coming from me, Mrs. Optimistic. One of my previous managers and I had become great friends and he absolutely helped me get my ass in gear and start figuring shit out. I admired him for that because he was one of the most inspiring managers I had ever worked under and I valued everything that he said and did, a true mentor in a sense but also a great friend…He shared stories with me about his past career moves and always said “it will be alright, trust me” and to be honest I started to trust it would be just because he was saying it. Thank You Len for your friendship and for you being a great mentor…working with you changed me and made me not only a better manager but a better person, it truly did .

My other super awesome inspirational person who I let in on my “I don’t have a job” secret was my friend Temple. She shared her stories with me about her jobs in the past just like my buddy Len. I swear to you this woman pulled me straight out of my depression because from the very next day onward until I found a new job I would wake up to job posting text messages from her. She started by emailing them to me and when she would ask me if I’d check my emails I would usually say no not today…she took it upon herself to start texting me the links when she saw a job in my field. This was brilliant on her behalf because this worked for me. Temple if you are reading this ….I love you so much for helping me through this rough time in my life, you have no idea how inspiring to me you are. You are truly someone I look up to and I will always have love for you in my heart no matter how much time passes.

So let’s fast forward. I got my resume professionally done and let me tell you if you are ever need this service it is worth every single penny you pay for it (plugging KBRS here as they did mine). My resume was a true reflection of the work I had done and I gained another level of confidence when I saw it. I applied to 4 jobs and got 4 interviews, this was a confidence booster for sure. The first job I applied for I got 2 interviews which went great. It was down to me and another person, they chose the other person and explained why they had chosen that person to me and it was based on their experience in an area I had very little experience in. I accepted it and moved on. I won’t lie I was a bit hurt they didn’t pick me because I was stoked about this position within a media company. The second place I interviewed was great as well, the lady I would be replacing even said during the interview “she’s the one” to the owners to which the owners said “you can’t say that in an interview” I cracked up laughing. I didn’t get that position either, it came down to money and well, we weren’t on the same page. Never under value your skill set.

The third job was another awesome position and took 6 weeks and 4 rounds of interviews. I was dying for this position…I mean I wanted it bad. I wanted them all bad to be honest but this one was government. Finally during my fourth interview they took me around to meet the team. It was at that point I knew they were going to offer me the position and they did. Here’s where shit gets complicated. Remember my good friend Temple…well yeah, she sends me this other job posting for a telecom company in Bermuda and well low and behold it looks pretty damn interesting but I was still hyped about the other position. Temple convinced me to apply so I did, got a call back for an interview within 2 days and so I went to check it out. To be honest my dream position was already offered to me, so I thought. I interview with the VP of Finance and as the interview is going on I’m getting pretty excited about this position. I was honest in the interview and advised him that I was already offered a position but was really interested in this one. I interviewed on Tuesday and was back in for another interview with the CEO on Thursday and was offered the position.

Holy shit, this was crazy. In the end I took this position leaving behind the the government position. People called me crazy. They said I was giving up a good pension, shit…everyone tries to get a government job (that’s what I’m told) and then they retire there. Oh well, I decided the other position and people were a better fit. I mean I swore in the interview and they still hired me so I knew for sure it was a great fit haha.

So as life goes on and I’m back feeling amazing about my new job…I’m totally enjoying the people I work with and company I work for…one thing I know for sure is that I will never let a job define who I am, steal my identity or allow it to ruin my mental space and that is a commitment I’m not willing to break. #sherryannecrowe