Let’s Talk Shit…

My son was telling me he wanted a bacon double cheese burger with this and that on it, so I said “you don’t need no double cheese burger” and he said “true, just like you don’t need that ice cream you’re eating” He remains undefeated.

Looks like it’s going to be an even playing field when we all come out of quarantine…everyone gonna be PHAT and that will be the new standard of beauty. All you skinny girls keeping in shape, drop off now and join the rest of us…it’s your only hope to be a sexy PHAT girl after this blows over.

Had our early morning team meeting…figured I’d spice it up a bit with this look…the “No New Friends” headband is my new go to hair accessory. I think I heard my boss talking to HR during our meeting.

I had a few “gossip” phone calls today, fuck I miss them news bags.

I thought my mother was nuts for never leaving the house since 1999, look who grew up to be just like her mother.

I keep seeing someone that I know personally jog by my window every morning, she doesn’t know I live here…I thought about saying hi to her but I don’t need that kind of negative fitness energy around me right now.

I’m starting to worry that I may get used to this hot mess look and never snap out of it.

I wonder if Britney Spears wrote this song knowing it would be a hit in 2020

When they say it’s over and it’s safe to go around people again…I’m gonna need another 60-90 days to ensure they ain’t lying to us to eliminate a few more people from the population….but I know a few people I’m going to encourage to get out and get some fresh air.

I wonder if I should check the mail…naaaaaw fuck them bills.

This is a really good time to rob a bank but you’d have to make an appointment don’t forget that.

I never sit on anyone’s toilet seat when I use their bathroom…all of them different asses on the toilet seat, naw man…squat and pee.

I can’t figure out why they say it takes 9 months to have a baby…it’s literally 40 weeks and if I do the math…that ain’t 9 fucking months.

Nobody tried to put the BBQs together today…WTF?!?!?!?!

I have tried to learn how to twerk. It’s literally not in my genes or my jeans.

I don’t bother dating because I’m sure I’ll end up with some guy who thinks licking and slurping in my ears is some sort of foreplay and I can’t go back to my younger years when men did this and I didn’t know why…I just can’t.

The reality of my hands without fake nails is not something I’m willing to accept right now so I painted 6 out of 10 of my real nails today and I’m feeling kinda pretty.

Every time I put old bread out in the backyard I sit there for about 30 minutes waiting for the birds to come down and scoop it up…Not a bird in sight, as soon as I need to go pee and return…all the bread is gone…I hate those sneaky ass birds.

My little cuzin Kyah made a post asking if there were any hip-hop dancers here because she has an idea to discuss and all I can think is …why hasn’t she reached out to me yet?

Remember Mandy Smith wore them red leather pants and jacket at the Derby…I wonder does he still have them…He reminded me of Eddie Murphy in that outfit. Don’t come at me…I love Mandy…and all his Derby days outfits.

In case you don’t know the answer to this damn quiz going around FB asking “what was the first thing the killer took” the answer is LIFE. Now you know and don’t forget to post the answer in the comments, even if they say “send me a message with the answer”…they hate when you do that. But I ain’t playing the game, just in case I got the answer wrong.

Someone suggested I watch Contagion and now I’m suggesting that some of ya’ll should watch it because you may be a little short on common sense.

Ain’t nobody laughing at Howie Mandel now are ya?

Women in baggy sweatpants….please, just stop going outside…no seriously…stop it.

Aliens, come help us humans out.

Ok let’s end this with my favourite thing to do…Make fun of one of my friends….I got this one friend that no matter what, when you call her or text her it all goes back to the virus, you read about her in my earlier blogs. She had the nerve to send me a picture of her grown in eyebrows (I can’t post that pic and give her identity away) and said this…and yes I still call it COPD…so what?

Hope you had a chuckle, a laugh, a break from your own reality. Keep your head up, mask on, gloves on, doors locked, and and your alerts on for my blog posts…don’t forget you can sign up to be the very first person to read my blog and enjoy it…Yes it’s true…join the email. Don’t forget to leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts…oh, so what you have to leave your email to leave a comment…what ya think I’m going to do, release my email virus on you and get into your email? I won’t do it, just so you know. Also…sharing is caring… I love you all, stay safe and healthy.