Empty Nest Syndrome – NOT…

The last of my 3 kids has left home! OMG people were concerned and asking me what am I going to do? Am I upset?  My response was very truthful…I don’t know what I’m going to do but I know one thing I’m not fucking upset.  Listen, what do I have to be upset about?  I had my first kid when I was 21, had my second kid when I was 23.  I was a single mother until I was 28 years old.  That shit ain’t’ easy! No family helping out, no guidance, no support, a single mother on assistance, a high school drop out aka loser trying to figure life out, but all I ever wanted was kids.  Then in 2000 my third child came into the world.  No longer a single mother but a mother of 3 of my own kids and 4 step kids.  Yes you read that right…SEVEN whole fucking kids and sometimes their friends too….there’s a song that references that but I ain’t given no shout out to the artist because I’m petty like that.  Did I enjoy being a mom, of course because the kids for the most part were great kids, tolerable on most days, lovable when they found something to do other than ask me to do shit for them, they were good workers around the house, they brought me the remote when I needed it and often fetched me a glass of wine, I mean water when I was dry.  You see having kids is underrated. Seeing the last one leave the nest had me thinking about all of the things I was going to do without any responsibilities of having kids living with me. I mean now I can sit home and drink until I’m falling down drunk in my own house and nobody will be scarred for life because of it.  I can leave the dishes in the sink for days and not yell at my kid asking “why the fuck won’t you do the dishes, it’s the least you can do around here” or I can simply just not give a shit on any given day about anything other than my damn self.  Do you know how long it’s been since I could just fucking breathe? 

Now don’t get me wrong, my life is my kids (had to plug that in case I get reported).  I have great relationships with all 3 of my kids (the step kids moved on from me after their dad passed…but that’s another story for another time) and my kids know I keep it real with them, so am I suffering from empty nest syndrome, no fucking way I’m just living life in a way that is  new to me.  Free, free I tell you…Until the phone rings, wait what kind of bullshit am I feeding you, they don’t call and when they do I fucking freak the fuck out thinking something bad has happened..Ok refocus here, until I get a text from them which generally starts out like this… Kid # 1 – “Mom send me some money for gas please and thank you, I’ll pay you back on payday”  Kid #2 – “Hey mama” which is the intro to “can I get a non repayable loan” Kid #3 – “I have this lash appointment on Friday and was wondering….”  You get the point, they will always be my kids, I will always be their mom and for the most part nothing has changed except their presence, I’m just here utilizing my freedom to write a blog, discovering myself, coming and going as I please, house 99% clean 100% of the time…holy fuck this is the life…empty nest syndrome my damn ass ~Holla